


who fell on their knees in hopeless cathedrals (praying for each other’s salvation)

by thelimitsofthe_sea



Category: Kill Your Darlings (2013)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-29
Updated: 2014-11-29
Packaged: 2018-02-27 09:23:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2687567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelimitsofthe_sea/pseuds/thelimitsofthe_sea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>it’ll be us, together. at the beginning. it’ll be the perfect day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	who fell on their knees in hopeless cathedrals (praying for each other’s salvation)

**Author's Note:**

> There is seemingly no limit to how many angsty kill your darlings one shots I can write, so here's another one. The punctuation is very sporadic and weird, I kind of just used it where I thought it would be effective.

i probably shouldn’t have been surprised that we’d ended the night in a stolen boat bobbing on the choppy hudson, the cold seeping through my coat and biting my skin, passing around a flask whose contents tasted like disinfectant

all i knew as that i was mad as hell at you.

i had spent the better part of the night trailing behind you and your new chosen one ( _i found a real writer_ ) as you chugged cheap bitter wine and cursed at the stars (you both had that bravado kissed with lunacy, and you encouraged each other in your madness)

but i was sick of the whole thing, sick of you, sick of having to strip myself down to the bone just to keep your attention-

each look you gave me the sweetest hit

ensuring that i would go even further for the next one

(you always knew how to keep them hooked, lu)

i was glaring furiously at jack, because i couldn’t just let him saunter in and so casually take what i had worked damn hard for.

_you don’t know me._

_you’re right. who is you?_

the whole time you were watching, amused, used to people going to battle over you.

 _you are not in wonderland_ , i recited, defiant, even though i was still down the goddamn rabbit hole.

i’d done it again, i’d performed just like you wanted me to, like i did every single damn time

but it was worth it when you beamed at me and drew me close, and then you were talking about marines, and paris, and the liberation-

it was like i was already there with you

driving through the triumphant streets of the city of light

intoxicated on an exquisite french vintage, and the heady feel of freedom, and each other

i would put you up in bastille square and somehow you would tower over the colonne de juillet

a living, breathing, golden monument to liberty

the whole world would worship at your crooked altar but i would be the high priest. and if jack had to be there he would simply be a smudge at the edge of brilliance

(i should’ve known better than to reduce jack kerouac to a footnote- that man is a goddamn library)

_it’ll be us, together. at the beginning. it’ll be the perfect day._

your voice was filled with a childlike wonder and i could feel your pulse in the air

and if i hadn't known it before, i knew it now-

i was a long way gone.

i never knew whether i wanted to make love to you or fuck you

how could i when you were both the pure and the profane

the blessed and the cursed

the sin and the absolution?

but i guess i was a paradox as well

my selfless love completely selfish

i gave you everything i had but i did it for me.

it still hurts to read rimbaud even to this day because it's like you're bleeding out of every line

_a thousand dreams within me softly burn_

the problem was you never knew which one to chase so you went after them all

perfection in chaos, resurrection in self destruction

losing yourself trying to find the perfect day

i hope you find it, lu

i really hope you do-

because in that moment as you held me close and dreamed beautiful, crazy, impossible things

as the horn blared

catching us red handed

and your face, flooded in the light, was halfway between rapture and terror-

that was mine.


End file.
